


Don't go too close to the Sun. (You will become July.)

by manciissuperior



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Colors, Eating Disorders, Heavy Angst, Implied Death, Inspired by Music, Metaphors, Months, Other, also implied suicide, i used months and colors as feelings. yes, i wrote this to vent, its short im sorry, kinda poetic i think, most of the triggering things are just hinted at to be honest, most of these are hinted, no beta we die like men, sun - Freeform, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28394880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manciissuperior/pseuds/manciissuperior
Summary: Wilbur finally became July but doesn't feel like it. At least he didn't forget Him. And that's what matters....or the self insert Wilbur ventfic no one asked for
Relationships: Not mentioned but was there
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	Don't go too close to the Sun. (You will become July.)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [squeesh70](https://archiveofourown.org/users/squeesh70/gifts).



> for cece, my amazing wifey. some lines reminded me of you and realized i could gift the fic to you. 
> 
> possible trigger warnings (even if only hinted at) ;  
> eating disorders  
> death 
> 
> the song that inspired me to actually write this fic :  
> holdvilágos by fran palermo

I want to be blind, who can't see or hear - doesn't feel taste, smell. Doesn't feel You. I want to lose who I am to you and pass on what I received from you - from you, I would never have redeemed.  
You were my Neptune as a Triton, and even if I revolved around you in reverse, I never left you. From you, it reflected back to me the light of our Sun - from you, who was my sun instead of the Sun.  
Falling through your eyes, I circled to your shaft, as if you had pulled me into a magnetic field — and I didn’t mind. I never regretted that you were my planet. You, mine - even if I could never get you and be your only moon, I was one of those few, fourteen, the greatest, the greatest of them all. Maybe my orbit wasn’t too close to you - maybe I was too far away to love you, but I, I loved you. Better than anything. Better than anyone.  
You were my dear — as if only the god of love spoke of me — and I dedicated to you a thousand and a thousand letters. I didn't send any. Maybe if I did, we could have been something. We could have been something. But who am I to turn the past back and stand by myself to see if I can get better? Better than that. What I became without you. I'm cold - I'm freezing, my mind is bluish. I'm January without you - and I want to feel your warmth. To see it. To touch it.

You were a dear August to me, before the cold September, and it warmed like candle wax along my spine line. And I, in a boat, paddled through the heat, like a spaceship from the end of the solar system to the beginning of it — I never got around, and I reached like a shipwreck lost in the depths of the sea that soaked itself in my blood. And getting it out of there was harder than I thought - and it didn't want to let go.  
It was dark - everything was dark. The red, beige blood stretched around it like a clotted, caramelized mass, and it didn't let out the shard from its hands, which weakly cut the wall of my veins like a bite of a tatter. 

You know what? You're not even August. Your taste and forms up to July - dominant, strong, masculine, blood orange. I may have been wrong. Oh, how many times I did that. You’re burning sunlight, that doesn’t gently smooth over me, you’re too strong - you’re hard. Your hands caress mine like a fiery slap - they shudder at your touch and light sits on my face…

July. I miss July. Warm, beautiful, pleasant - what I don't have and won't have. It is night, cold and dark. But you know. December may be more comfortable than July. He hugs and can be cold - I’m alone and yet not. Cancel? Maybe. I do not know. At first, I felt it, but already - honestly, I got used to it. The uncomfortable, the discomfort - like a leather armchair - became comfortable. You merge when you sit back and you just fall over and fall over. You fall over until you fall to the floor, but you might stop halfway. The frame holds back. The frame is dark.

  
The Sun is starting to scare me - in fact, it is already scaring me. I don't feel it, I don't feel you. The warm fire. The fire is the sun. I thought about it for a long time, about you, about us - but you know, I was really just a moon, far from you. Far from your center. It was as if you had ejected the dirt ring orbiting you, though, I was just a moon. First, at first, I thought maybe I could be your neighboring planet. I can be your Jupiter in the distance. But oh, oh how I didn't become that. And I knew I would never be. But I was confident that maybe, maybe one day still. The never came. You never said goodbye.

  
I avoid sunlight. Maybe it doesn't say hello, just like you. I want sunlight to become hope — hope that I can never get. I want to love it as much as I love you. Better than anything. Better than anyone.

Small clouds float in space, in light - and the Sun embraces them. It kisses each of their faces one by one. It smoothes their foreheads one by one and gives them love. Love that you can’t get from anyone else just from it.  
The sun is the death, who chooses. Who chooses who will be their lovers, who will be their love. Who will be the ones to reassure it on a stormy night. Who are comfortable.

  
I want July. I'm hungry for July. I'm hungry.  
I would only like to eat July, could you get it for me? Would you be my July? Can I be your July?  
I want to eat July. To eat? Maybe that would be too much. I do not know? I know? Maybe. 

  
July is so beautiful. Warm. Pleasant. Why am I December? Why do I feel January? Why am I blue instead of orange? Do you know the answers or are you still looking back at me out of the corner of your eye as if I don’t even exist?  
I want to exist, again, but I don’t want to feel spring. It would be a lot to go through. I would forget. I do not want to forget you. It may be stupid - oh, I’m sure it’s stupid - that I still desire you. And I never get caught. And I know that. But you know, you're July. You are life, you know? You are the Sun.

  
Can I go back to you through October?

August is not delicious. Especially not from September. I believed you. I thought I really thought that… maybe. Maybe you can be mine again? Maybe? That’s why I chose October instead of April. You were still mine in October. And now look at us. Right? Were you right? Not likely - or you could be. But it never comes back… Are you? I have a lot of questions about you.

  
July is burning me - really burning me. But pleasant. It hurts and yet I like it - just like you. Still, I became July. I'm not feeling July. Why? Did you feel that way? Maybe January was better. Maybe. I do not know. I don’t know many things anymore - I forgot a lot backwards. But not about you. And that's the point Sun, my dear.

I could never forget you my treasure. Never. Even if you are no longer my Neptune in this bright black sky. I could never.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! i hope u enjoyed :)
> 
> and yes, the formatting was like this for a reason


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